Terror!

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Amy added this:	and had a look around, Fiona did not stand up just in case he was one of the evil workers. He put some dust on the ground and it showed Fiona, Collin, Josh, Thomas and Kates footprints. Fiona stayed as still as she could, but how did the police man get in? If the door was locked. I could have ran out all this time, but I only heard the door opening, so maybe he put in the code, what code........24 THE CODE, thats what is is for, and if anyone got stuck in here they would open the suitcase for advice. "Why didn't I think of it" Fiona said to herself. She could hear the footsteps go out the door, she peeped through the window the police car was gone. She ran to the door and put in the code. "24" she wrote CODE ACCEPTED the monitor said. Fiona walked out the door "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" She screamed............	Brilliant, Amy!
Cillian added this:	There in front of her were forty policemen. But were they policemen? They had that strange look. Their faces was a deadly white and their eyes were dull as lead. They had a uniform on but the uniform looked like it was made from plastic – it was shiny – it was see-through. “Who…who…are you?” asked Fiona and her teeth chattered like she was having a fit or something...	That’s good, Cillian, you’ve referred back to the ‘see-through’, or transparent element. I like the bit where you say: ‘their eyes were as dull as lead’.
hayley added this added this:	They didn't seem to see her they went straight through her. AS they went through her she felt cold and a chill ran down her back. Then they looked soothingly at her they must have read her mind because they opened their mouths to speak but a different language like in cartoons the way ailens talk like hduytfhdygtfgryt well that is what it sounded like. Fiona waited until they dissapeared and dacided she woulden't wait for Colin so off out the window she went and she saw all her friends frozen still in spider webs and someone tipped her on the back and said "you don't belong here ans she was sprayed and who came too everyones rescus but Colin!!!!..............................	Even better, Hayley, this is really good writing. I love the spiders’ webs!
Amy added this:	"COLIN" she screamed. "HELP US, PLEASE" As Colin came towards her, she woke up it seemed she had been dreaming, but she wasn't in the small cottage, it was in a big steel hut. "FIONA HELP", screamed someone in the distance. The voices sounded fimiliar, it was Josh, Thomas, Evin and Kate. They were tied to seets. Fiona was lieing on a blanket on the ground she could move, but why wasn't she tied up? She heard footsteps behind her... she could feel her heart beat. Someones hand was coming around her, it was Colin. "Where are we" Fiona said with tears running down her face" Lets go and free them" "NO" Colin screamed. "They are not real, they are just robots, if you touch them your trapped" "Come on Lets try and escape".......	another good twist to the story. Robots are a great idea.
Cillian added this:	And then suddenly he began to fade. First he was see through and then he was just a mist. And from the mist his voice came all high and shakey. “The computer game” he said and then the mist was gone. Fiona stared after the fading mist. The computer game, she thought. What does that mean? Josh and his friends Colin and Evin were always playing computer games. Every time she went into the dining room they would be there around the computer shouting and yelling. What computer game was Colin trying to tell her about it? She shut her eyes trying to force herself to remember. And then the memory cme back yes, there was a computer game she didn’t know how it was played but she remembered the giant cobwebs tying people up. That was it they were traped in a computer game!	Brilliant idea, Cillian. The computer game is an inspiration!
Rosie added this:	If we are trapped in a computer game then nothing is real, Evin and Colin must not be real in this world. Nobody can hurt us they are all just a hollagram. But if Evin is a hollagram like Colin he is leading Kate, Thomas and Josh to danger, I have got to save them. Meanwhile back in the woods with Kate and the rest of the group. "Where are we, Evin" Kate said sweetly. (Nobody knew this but Kate had a crush on Joshs friend Evin) "I know where I going" Evin said. Thomas whispered into Joshs ear"this is not right look" Thomas touched Evin, his hand went straight through him. This shocked Kate and Josh and they decided to, tell Evin where THEY wanted to go! "Evin" Thomas said "why don't we go back to our house and play some games" "Ok turn left" Evin said. Eventually they arrived back at 24 Coaches Avenue and found the door open. "MUM AND DAD ARE HOME" Thomas shouted for Joy. But they weren't. They entered the house, it was like they had remember it had cob-webs, lots of them. They sat down and played the Computer game. Every time they lost more cob-webs would appear. There were footsteps at the door. Standing there was Fiona. Kate ran over and hugged her. "May I talk to the family in private please Evin" Fiona said. "Listen carefully we are trapped in a Computer game and it was Colin who help me discover it" "If we are trapped in a Computer game how do we get out" Josh asked. "The same way we got in" Fiona said. "THE WOODS" Kate said. They headed for the woods.........	Well done, Rosie. It's always a good idea to go to other people in the story. Now everyone is wondering what is happening to Fiona.
Claire added this:	Then suddenly they herd a barking. It was Goldi. She dashed up to them. “I’m sorta scared to touch her” said Fiona unsertinly. “I’m not” said Kate. “look she’s not see through and she feels warm. This is the real Goldi” “Look! She wants us to follow her” said Thomas. He began to run after Goldi. “Thomas come back” screamed Fiona. “I’m risponsable for you” Tears were pouring down her face as she raced after her brother.	I'm glad you brought Goldi back, Claire. I was wondering what happened to her.
Amy added this:	They ran after Josh screaming and yelling, iventually they caught up with him. They walked on until Goldi stopped. There in front of them was a whirpool. Someone came up from behind them and pushed them in. They ended up another dimension, they saw a screem inside the screem was their home and their parents. The mother was walking over to the television. "Thomas I told you not to leave on your video game" "Sorry Mum" someone called. "Thats not me" THomas said. "There must be two worlds, a video game world and a real world, when we came here the other ones of us went there" Kate said guessing. They looked around. This wasn't like a real world it was black and green and there was nothing here. Someone came and started play the game. Josh started moving. "Josh where are you going" Fiona shouted. "I can't stop moving, he is controlling me" "I'm bord, I am going to turn off this thing" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" They shouted............	That’s a splendid idea about the two worlds, Amy. I like where you say: ‘It was black and green.’ That makes a picture of it in our minds. You ended well, too.
Cillian added this:	The words “I’m bored, I’m going to turn this thing off” seemed to be coming from that other world – was it the real world? All the four children knew was that if Thomas, in the other world, turned off the computer, then they would all be lost for ever. Their only chance was to play through the game. They had to find a way of defeating their enemies. But who were their enemies? Could they be aliens?	You picked up Amy’s idea very well, Cillian.
Shannon from America added this:	They all sat and thought. "Thomas," Kate cried."What computer games do you like?" "Uh, ACTION, all the way!" Thomas exclaimed. "When then, that's it!" Kate yelled. "We act so exciting that the Thomas from the other world will have to be crazy to turn the computer off!" "Kate," Fiona said slowy, "You're a geinus!" "Stop it Fiona, you're emmbarresing me." Kate said, pretending to blush. They all started moving around, doing whatever it took to make sure they weren't boring. "Hey, Mom," a voice called. "Can I stay up a bit later?" "Only an hour later!" was the brisk reply. They were all thinking the same thing: How to get out of the computer. An hour was up all ready and everyone was all out of breath. "Oh, no!" Thomas screamed. "He's turning the computer off!" All of a sudden everything was changing. When they all woke up, everything was 2-D...	Great idea, Shannon! 2D was an inspiration - you can see that Claire picked that up further on.
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