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| | Island | | |
Cora Harrison began with this: | | ‘I’m just not going to that Irish College, and waste two weeks of my holidays,’ yelled Orla. ‘You’ll do what you’re told,’ said her mother grimly. ‘Your test results for Irish were a disgrace for a girl with your brains. You’re going to Secondary in September and you will just fall further and further behind if you don’t do something about your Irish this summer.’ ‘Anyway, you’ll probably enjoy it,’ said her father soothingly. ‘The college is in a lovely place in Connemara. I went there when I was a boy and we had great fun. There’s a huge beach and an island that you can walk across to in low tide.’ So, a month later, a very sulky and depressed Orla was dropped off at the Irish College at Ballyboffin. ‘What a bore this is going to be,’ she muttered through her teeth. Afterwards when she thought of these words she wondered how she could have been have been so very wrong...
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Hayley added this: | | "I don't care I’m not going to stinky Connemara. I’ve been there before and it is really small there are no clothes shops or shopping centres. Please don’t make me stay here Galway is so far away. All my friends will miss me especially Judy and Tash". "You are staying and that is the end of it" ordered her mam getting back into the car and waving good bye. Orla stood and looked at the long building that was the Irish college – two weeks, she thought. Two weeks of staying here with none of my friends and not even a clothes shop in sight. How can I stand it? And I have to share a room with three other girls that I don’t even know! And then out of the building came…
| | This is good, Hayley. You are doing the sulky teenager very well. |
Sinead added this: | | …came Sarah 1 of the girls she was going to be sharing a room with. She seemed OK. She was kinda tall with long red curly hair. She seemed like the minute she met me she wanted to be friends but she was a bit odd...............
| | Good, Sinead. You are adding another character - good description of Sarah. |
Amy Mc added this: | | "Hello, my name is Sarah, I hear I will be sharing a dorm room with you" "Yes, I think so, what's this school like" "Well, I have been here before, and it was ok but I always would complain to my folks, saying how boring it would be, but it turned out ok" "Sounds like somebody I know" Orla said sarcasticly. "Follow me"
As Orla and Sarah walked through the corridores of this old school building, They saw old pictures of scary old men and some of ladies. "This school must be yonks, old" Orla told Sarah. "No, it was only built, ten years ago and thats not that old.....Here we are"
This was it the place I'd be staying in, I looked around, it was nice, homely I suppose. It was bright yellow, with old books lying around the place, my room was purple and had bunk-beds. "you can take the bottom" Sarah said I put my luggage down and went to class.
"Tar anois a phaisti , Bhanai McGregor is anim dom" What did she just say, i think it was come in my name is Mrs McGregor. "D'oscail an leabhair, page triocha a naoi" Am...what "Page 39" Sarah whispered. "Cad is anim do" The teacher said pointing at me. "Am....Orla is anim dom" "An bhfaca tu an clar ban" "Chonaic me an clar ban " I was so scared there, I thought I wouldn't know them.
Class is over and my new mates, Jessica and Ciara, who also are sharing a dorm with me are being so annoying. I'm writing a letter to my parents.
Dear Mam and Dad, Why did you send me here, I can't understand a thing, and the teacher is only going to speak in Irish, and I don't know where to go and I only like one person, called Sarah and worst of all NO BOYS. There is still hope, send a taxi to pick me up and this time Friday I will be playing on the beach with Natasha and Judy. Please. Slan anois that means GOODBYE we learn't that today. all my love, from your bored stiff daughter ORLA *******
| | you're wonderful, Amy. You always have so many ideas. Orla is really coming to life. I've known loads of girls like her! You might want, now, to start thinking of some exciting expedition or adventure, or even danger, involving all four of the girls. |
Rosie!!!!!! added this: | | "Hi Sarah, what are you doing" "Reading, where have you been" "Detinction, again, I noticed an island across the sea, erm, it's not far away and I was wondering could you help me get across there" "ARE YOU MAD, GOING THERE, YOU EXPECT ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO HELP YOU OVER THERE" "Sarah, please your the only one I can trust, besides, I have to get out of here" "Oh, alright, but if we get caught, you can say I had nothing to do with it, agreed" "Alright, come"
They walked past the greens and ditches they came to a small sea. "I told you Sarah there is a boat here, now lets get in" "Orla, I don't know, I get sea sick and well a storm is coming" "Oh, come on we will come straight back and I have got food incase we do get stuck there and a mobile" " Are you sure" "YES" "Ok then"
The waves were big and dashed out over the boat until they got there. | | Bronze age is very exciting. That's the time, in Ireland, when a lot of wonderful gold treasures, like the Glenisheen collar of gold and other wonderful necklaces and bracelets, were made. |
hayley added this!*#~ added this: | | It took them about because of the weather even though it was Summer. I really mean it thanks ofr comming on this trip with you are the only one I have gotten on with so far. It was a fairly big island they thought and it was full of trees. Come on lets go explore this is what i have been dying for when all of a sudden some thind moved in the bushes but it was not an animal it was............. | | Have you thought what might be in the bushes, Hayley? |
~Sharon~ added this: | | They clambered out of the boat and began to explor the island. 'this is cool' said Olra looking at the shape carved out of a tree trunk. sarah who was examining the ruins of what looked like a house, stood up suddenly. 'Did you Hear that?'she whispered. 'No'said Olra who was still looking at the tree stump. 'There it is again'said Sarah. This time Olra did hear it. It was a sort of rumbling sound coming from somewhere above them. 'Oh no' said sarah pointing to the sky,'I think the storm has started!' 'What?' exclaimed Orla, abandening the tree stump,'Now?' With that the winds houled and lighting streaked across the the sky. 'Quick, to the boat'Orla screamed to Sarah. It had started to rain and the sea was even more dangerous than the journey over. The waves exploded into the air, and water filled the boat as the terrified girls struggled against the force of the waves. | | This is very well-written, Sharon. The story is becoming very exciting and very adventurous. |
Amy Bradley added this: | | When we got in the boat we tried to paddled but the current was so strong it brought us back to the iland.We decided to get out of the boat because it was filling up with water and the current was to strong to even trie to get back to irish collage.We looked for shelter uner a hawthorn tree.we saw an old stone house.We ran up to the house and decided to hoodle up and went to sleep. | | I'm glad you brought the boat back to the island, Amy - and you remembered the stone house. I was hoping that would come into the story. |
Amy Mc added this: | | Orla woke up in the middle of the night. She could feel something, someone… Was there someone there? Was there someone close to her? Orla remembered her friend told her something about an author she had met who saw a girl from the Iron Age with a wolf. Orla thought that was cool and she hoped that would happen to her sometime. But now, she thought, come to think of it, it is scary!. She sat there trembling, Sarah was fast asleep beside her, what are we going to do? she thought frantically. The Irish College across the water must have informed our parents already, there is no-way the safety boats are going to get over here and my mobile isn't working. I’ve got Sarah into trouble, also. I should've used my head! she thought and then she noticed something Wow! Look there is a small shiny thing over by the wall, thought Orla, should I go or, oh what the heck, I'll go. Orla’s nails were starting to hurt tearing all the sand away from the ground by the time that she uncovered the shiny thing, but it was worth it Orla found a beautiful golden necklace, nothing like the Glenisheen Collar of Gold even prettier, Orla picked it up and looked at it and went to sit by the old fireplace, thinking about the man, lady or child who wore this back in the bronze age. As Orla got up something scraped her foot, ‘it's a trapdoor, she said, if only I could get it up.’
| | you got a great sense of tension into the earlier part of this section, Amy. I hope someone can continue the story in an exciting way. It's too early to end it. A real book has lots of twists and turns -by the way, I've changed 'I' into Orla as this story started off like that. |
Claire added this: | | Orla thought she was thinking the words, but rilly she said them out loud. Her voice woke Sarah. Sarah sat up with a start. “Where…where are we?” she asked and then she noticed what Orla was holding. “Where did you get that?” she said in a wisper. She was white with shock. “Under the ground,” answered Orla. “And look Sarah, look at this just beside where I found it.” “it’s a trapdoor,” said Sarah. “It must lead to the cellar. My Gran has a house like that with a trapdoor leading down to the cellar. She keeps her turf and coal there.” “Well, then” said Orla. “It’s not worth going down there if it’s only coal or turf.” Her voice sounded releeved. “Whats the matter with you?” asked Sarah. She pushed back her long read hair and had a good look at Orla. “You look scard” she said. Orla hesitated. “Sarah,” she said. “I heard something strange. And do you remember we saw something in the bushes when we were coming here? I think we should find our boat and try to get back to the irish collage.” Sarah shrugged her shoulder. “Ok,” she said “lets go back.” They went outside the ruined house. “Oh, good,” said Orla. “The storm has died down. We might be able to get back.” “Look” said Sarah and she pointed. There boat was lying on the sand. It was full of water. But what was worse was that water was trickling out of the bottom of it. There was a hole in the boat. “Oh no” said Orla. “What are we going to do?” “There’s only one thing to do,” said Sarah. Go back into the house and …
| | You've built up this scene very well, Claire, because you did not rush, but tried to make your reader see those two girls, there in the dark, frightened and worried, and you have left an interesting problem for the next writer. What will the girls do next? |
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